A surprise you won't forget
by Thinkinglikehalfabrain
Summary: What happens when a reporter comes to interview Lucius Malfoy at his manor? - humorfic.
1. The reporter

I own nothing but the reporter, and the plot. Even the peacocks are J.K Rowling's.

It was your regular Saturday evening, and the reporter from the daily prophet was going to give an interview with the Lucius malfoy. It was a special interview – Lucius malfoy – the man, the work, the power.

The reporter looked at the address again, as he had stopped in front of a mansion. He shrugged off what he saw as being nothing of importance but wrote it down just in case.

What he saw, was something he hadn't counted on; Peacocks. Lucius malfoy, the man who often influenced the minister, had peacocks. White peacocks.

The reporter walked up the long way to the front door, and rung the bell.

The door opened, and even though he had expected Lucius malfoy himself to open, a house elf, with a pink ear did. Of course, the reporter thought, rich wizards have house elves.

"Master be in this room, follow pinky" said the house elf and walked toward a room.

The reporter thought nothing of it, and followed the house elf into many rooms before finally coming to a room where two chairs was placed in front of each other where one of the chairs was turned backwards, he didn't think nothing of that either, and looked around in the room, from the place he stood. The room looked quite nice, and cozy. There was a fireplace, and a liquor shelf. The panels were brown, and the whole room was just- yes cozy.

The reporter turned around as he was about to ask the house elf, when Mr. Malfoy would arrive, but the house elf was nowhere to be seen, and the door was closed behind him.

He didn't think any of that either, and instead walked over to sit in the chair that wasn't turned backwards to the door.

And as he sat there, and waited for about one minute, the chair in front of him turned around, and instantly the reporter turned red.

Lucius malfoy was sitting in the chair with a glass of fire whiskey in his hand.

"Shall we begin?" asked he.

"S-s-sure" The reporter stuttered, clearly embarrassed, and trying to look away from Lucius.

"What?" Lucius asked, and grinned. "Does my being naked, make you uncomfortable?"


	2. Something Severus snape won't forget

I own nothing, but the plot. The lyrics belong to aqua, and all characters are J.k Rowling. However, if I did own them.. Let's just say the books wouldn't be like they are.

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Severus Snape, normally not a social man, was going to visit his long time friend, Lucius malfoy.

As they were old time friends, Severus didn't use the front door anymore, he just merely floo'ed to Malfoy manor.

As he arrived in the living room of malfoy manor, he saw Narcissa malfoy looking grim, and annoyed sitting on the couch with her arms crossed. They must have fighted again – Severus thought, and shrugged It off as being normal.

"Where can I find Lucius?" Asked Severus, as he brushed off the dirt he'd gotten from the trip.

"Up stairs, in his office" replied Narcissa, sounding bitter.

He looked at her, not understanding her choice of tone – she normally didn't sound bitter when they had been into a fight.

But again, he shrugged it off, and ventured up the stairs, where he stumbled upon a flushed looking Draco, who stormed down the stairs – probably didn't even noticed Severus, for all he knew.

Severus continued walking up the stairs, and turned to the right when he met the corner. Lucius' office wasn't the room farthest away, but it did lay a bit down the hall.

So after he'd gone past about 5 rooms – that, as he had heard, were absolutely useless, and weren't used for anything at all, he reached room nr. 6 – Lucius' office.

He knocked on the door – as he always did when he was about to enter somebody else's office. There was no answer, but he did hear a faint whisper of something – or somebody, in there.

He knocked once again, still no answer, but still the same whisper, he couldn't place. It was like a talking, but not quite after all. Again he knocked, louder this time, but no answer.

He frowned. Narcissa had said he was in there.

He decided to go in – after all, he had knocked about 3 times.

As he entered, he saw the most horrific, weird thing he had ever seen. But face palmed.

Lucius was dancing around on the floor, with closed eyes, looking as if he was in heaven, while he was looking to be singing, all though he didn't. He was only in his under pants, and held something in his hand. This thing he had in his hand, had a string, or something, that formed up to something sitting on his head, and clearly because of this thing, he couldn't hear that Severus had arrived.

Severus face palmed once again, as he realized that _thing_ probably was one of those muggle things Lucius has spoken about.

Angrily, Severus went over and ripped the _thing_ from his head, and glared at him. But Lucius didn't react badly at all, instead he began to sing.

"_Back to the eighties_

_Say "hey there mister T"_

_To twisted sisters on MTV_

_Those were the days_

_I'll come back" _as he sang, the last part he made, what should have been a glorious little spin, but instead, it looked terrible. His singing wasn't great either, and according to Severus, who in the world would want to go back to the eighties?

Severus glared at Lucius again.

"What is that?"

Lucius stopped singing and looked at Severus as if he was stupid.

"Aqua of course stupid!"


	3. Chapter 3

It was your regular Sunday noon, and Dumbledore was out ringing doorbells, to recruit people to the order. He was walking from door to door, but somehow, everyone kept slamming their doors in his head.

He walked up to yet another house, and rang the bell – he knew this house belonged to someone he once taught.

"Hello Mr. I come from the order of the phoenix, have you ever thought about stop –"

"No, get lost" The man slammed the door in his head, and Dumbledore stood there for a second, but then shrugged.

"Alas, divine is the unknown. I'll just try the next house" He said with a smile.

He walked over to the neighbor house, and rang the bell; this house belonged to a long line of friends of the Dumbledore's – the Smiths.

"Hello Mr. Dumbledore what can I do for you?" Jeremy smith asked.

"Hello Jeremy, Would you like to joi – "

"No, fuck off" And yet another door was slammed in his head.

Dumbledore walked out on the street and sighed. "I might as well eat lunch. I think I'll call on one of the house elves, and get them to get me some" said he and smiled happily at his decision

"Tabby" He called out, and poof, a house elf stood there.

"Ahh, tabby could you get me a – "

"No, Piss off pig" said tabby, and poof, he was gone.

"What a bad day. I think I'll just apparate home then" He apparated to Hogsmeade, in front of the three brooms. "Perhaps, I'll go get a drink" He said, and entered the tavern.

"Ah, hello Dumbledore, what can I do for you this noon?" Asked rosmerta.

"Could you get me a – "

"No, get the fuck out of my tavern you loser."

Dumbledore left the tavern and wondered what was going on. When he reached the castle a crowd of people was standing there, with Severus and Minerva in front.

"Ah hello, Severus, Minerva" He greeted them with a twinkle in his eye. They however didn't look very excited. He tried to get past them, but failed.

"Can I please get through?" he asked with a smile.

"No, you aren't welcome here anymore, get lost" They all said, and went into the castle again – the doors were slammed in front of him.

Dumbledore sighed. "alas, I stand here alone and abandoned, but at least I still have my love for Merlin, so I'll just say a prayer – Oh, dear Merlin, I'm bless – "

In front of him, an image of Merlin appeared. "Noo, fuck off" and the sound of a door slamming was heard.

Not far from there, Lucius Malfoy, and Bellatrix lestrange was roaring with laughter.


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own, nothing but the plot, and i don't have anything against Lucius' hair either xD Everything belongs to J.K Rowling, and even if i did own this fantastic world, then I wouldn't be writing this, because the stories would evolve around Lucius malfoy xD. So this is not Lucius bashing. The only bashing I'll ever do is to Dumbles.

So, Enjoy :D

As Lucius were walking – mistakenly, out in the muggle London, he found himself walking in to a little shop – that to all that knew what it was, was a hair care shop. He looked around, until he found himself standing in front of something called 'Hair dye'. Lucius looked at the little box, and thought to himself _this I have to try!_

He hurried home after buying the little box, and instantly tried it – after all he had never seen anything like it before or known anyone who had; But Lucius malfoy was a very curious person when it came to muggle things (of course, that was only private, if anyone in the death eater club knew about that, they'd freeze him out, and Lucius malfoy did NOT want that).

About 2 hours later, Severus Snape was sitting and starring at the wall in his office, and decided to visit Lucius. He floo'ed to the Malfoy manor, and as usual Saturday around three o'clock, Narcissa wasn't home, and Draco was at school.

He first looked in his office, but Lucius wasn't there. Then he looked in the living room, bathroom, and even his and Narcissa's bedroom, but he was nowhere to be found. Severus frowned and went downstairs again, to the kitchen, where he finally found Lucius sitting, cutting in paper, forming some strange shaped figures.

"Oh, Hey there Severus" Beamed Lucius as he saw Severus enter.

Severus didn't move a muscle, but kept starring at Lucius; the weird thing wasn't that he was paper cutting. No the weird thing was that he was wearing a bath rope, and having a pink towel around his head, or rather hair.

"Lucius, what are you doing?" Asked Severus, while still looking at the pink towel.

It took a minute before Lucius realized what Severus was talking about "Oh, that" he grinned and pointed to the towel on his head. "I'm dying my hair" he beamed again.

"Dying?"

"Yes, I thought I needed a brighter color, so I went to this muggle shop, and found this 'bleach' as they call it, and when I came home, I instantly began to 'dye' it" said he happily and smiled from ear to ear.

Severus coughed, and walked over to him – he was after all a potions master, and knew about the muggle chemicals. "Lucius… How long have you had it in your hair?" he asked cautious.

Lucius looked at the clock on the wall "2 hours" he said happily. "I figured the longer it stays in, the better"

Severus couldn't help but cough again. "Can I see the package you had this.. 'Dye' in?" he asked.

Lucius nodded, and in a split second found the package from the trash, and gave it to Severus.

Lucius watched as Severus carefully read the label over and over again, when he looked up.

"Lucius.. "

"Yes?"

"You were only supposed to let it stay in for 30 minutes, leave it in any longer than that and your hair turns green – or worse" Severus said matter-of-factly.

In a matter of no time, Lucius ran up to the bathroom. Severus followed slowly after, and when he reached the bathroom door, he heard a scream that could have been confused with a woman's but indeed it was Lucius' scream. a few moments followed, and a weeping Lucius then opened the door, and Severus had to hold back a laugh.

What Severus saw, was a bald Lucius malfoy, weeping.


End file.
